I am consistently inconsistent...

I had to make a new SparkPeople account. I quit using my old one and I don't know how to start over on the old account (which I need to do alot). Of course my first reaction to the thought of making a new account was "just another reason I'm a big fart face" but after thinking about it for a couple of days I decided something that is legen...wait for it...dary! (How I Met Your Mother reference).

SO WHAT!!!!

So what if I have to keep  making new SparkPeople accounts! Maybe one of these days it will stick or maybe I'll end up with 500 accounts by the time I die. Then I found that the "so what" was starting to leak into other parts of my life...

So what if my house is messy...my kids are having fun (or I'm being lazy for a day)

So what if my son possibly has Sensory Processing Disorder and isn't as prolific in talking as some other boys his age. He is a force to be reckoned with - without having to talk! And he's extremely loving which warms my heart no matter how I'm feeling that day

The only thing I can't seem to be "so what" about is my weight. I am slowly incorporating things that will help in that department but I can't help hating myself when I give in and eat things that I know will put me over my caloric intake. Those are the moments I really call myself fart face.

Dear Kristen,
     You're going to mess up - period - so quit expecting yourself to be perfect! Just acknowledge it and then MOVE ON! You will never keep as clean of a house as your mom so stop trying and then beating yourself up when you don't. You will get frustrated with your kids on occasion and gate them in the tv room while you chill out on the computer so stop beating yourself up for thinking you're a bad mother. You will never eat ONLY fruits and vegetables and you will wig out and have a whole box of Devil's Food cookies so stop beating yourself up when you look in the mirror. Stop scrutinizing every detail about your body or your face or your hair...it puts you in a bad mood.

 I have a surprise for you YOU'RE NOT PERFECT AND YOU NEVER WILL BE!!! All this beating yourself up has kept you broken and stuck in the same sick cycle you've been living in for years. Please, please, please just STOP IT! I can't take being beat up anymore!

Your Black and Blue Self,
  ~ Kristen