That's What Friends Are For...

I have had an issue that has been burning in me for a couple months now and everywhere I turn I see more and more dryer lint to fuel this growing fire. (Dryer lint is the best for starting and fueling a fire...just ask the Girl Scouts).

My issue has been fueled by social networks where people's comments can be easily accessed in overwhelming saturation. I'm not saying social networking is bad, in fact, it saved me a trip to my 10 year class reunion. I felt no need to reunite with my old school mates because I already knew where they work, who they married, how many kids they have and what those kids look like.

I do have to say that the more that I frequent these social networks, the more disdain I find in my heart for people who I never thought I could feel that way towards. I find that people who I initially thought I liked and connected with are not people I want to spend time with after all. It's somewhat disheartening to come to this conclusion because you begin rethinking your own social architecture and slowly start drawing up new blueprints.

This new discovery has put me in somewhat of a predicament concerning personal decision making. I would like to elaborate but I feel this isn't the best medium in dealing with personal issues. I can only vaguely speak my mind in hopes to mitigate the nuclear fallout that usually follows such posts.

What I can say is I am beginning to understand more of what Christ was saying when He said, "Let your yes be yes and your no be no." As He shines light on this issue in my life, it's illuminating grimy places in my own personality that I didn't even know needed cleaning. So, in going further in this search for better understanding, I am breaking out my spiritual Windex and cleaning up some places in my heart. I guess I can only pray that God will do the same thing in the hearts of people I have "socially" gotten to know a little too well.

I am consistently inconsistent...

I had to make a new SparkPeople account. I quit using my old one and I don't know how to start over on the old account (which I need to do alot). Of course my first reaction to the thought of making a new account was "just another reason I'm a big fart face" but after thinking about it for a couple of days I decided something that is legen...wait for it...dary! (How I Met Your Mother reference).

SO WHAT!!!!

So what if I have to keep  making new SparkPeople accounts! Maybe one of these days it will stick or maybe I'll end up with 500 accounts by the time I die. Then I found that the "so what" was starting to leak into other parts of my life...

So what if my house is messy...my kids are having fun (or I'm being lazy for a day)

So what if my son possibly has Sensory Processing Disorder and isn't as prolific in talking as some other boys his age. He is a force to be reckoned with - without having to talk! And he's extremely loving which warms my heart no matter how I'm feeling that day

The only thing I can't seem to be "so what" about is my weight. I am slowly incorporating things that will help in that department but I can't help hating myself when I give in and eat things that I know will put me over my caloric intake. Those are the moments I really call myself fart face.

Dear Kristen,
     You're going to mess up - period - so quit expecting yourself to be perfect! Just acknowledge it and then MOVE ON! You will never keep as clean of a house as your mom so stop trying and then beating yourself up when you don't. You will get frustrated with your kids on occasion and gate them in the tv room while you chill out on the computer so stop beating yourself up for thinking you're a bad mother. You will never eat ONLY fruits and vegetables and you will wig out and have a whole box of Devil's Food cookies so stop beating yourself up when you look in the mirror. Stop scrutinizing every detail about your body or your face or your hair...it puts you in a bad mood.

 I have a surprise for you YOU'RE NOT PERFECT AND YOU NEVER WILL BE!!! All this beating yourself up has kept you broken and stuck in the same sick cycle you've been living in for years. Please, please, please just STOP IT! I can't take being beat up anymore!

Your Black and Blue Self,
  ~ Kristen

The Spark

So, I have done the P90X thing and found it too "X"treme for me. I have gained back everything I lost and probably a little bit more. I don't want to look back 10 years from now and wish I was at this weight because I've continued to gain 5 pounds slowly every year. So, I am telling people about my goals and I need support and encouragement along the way.

I have found a website called http://www.sparkpeople.com/
It gave me a weight loss goal and time frame to do it in (30 lbs by 10/10/10)

My other "fast break" goals are:
Drink (8) 8oz of water a day
Stretch for 10 minutes a day
Give myself a 5 minute mental pep-talk every day

These were choices I made out of a number of choices given. I just chose what sounded the best for me.

My calorie intake needs to be 1280-1630 a day
I need to exercise 90 minutes a week
And burn 650 calories per week

I would LOVE for anyone looking to lose weight to join me so we can support each other and keep one another accountable and motivated! I DON'T WANT TO DO THIS BY MYSELF!!!

Check out the website and check out this article I just found. I really liked it and thought I'd share:
http://www.sparkpeople.com/resource/motivation_articles.asp?id=1325

So...WHO'S WITH ME???

And I fall asleep...counting my blessings

I was working around the house minding my own business when Hailey says to me, "Mommy, I'm playing Thomas for bubbie!" Hailey learned today how to work the XBox controller. She started yelling, "Kai Kai, I put on Thomas for you!" Of course, Kai starts booking it for the tv room! He climbs up on the couch next to his sister and Hailey gives him a kiss on the cheek. She looks up to see me staring at them smiling. She smiles back and they start to watch the show together. I go back to the dishwasher with a warm heart and find myself getting misty-eyed. I cry very easily but I'm not a "happy" crier; not usually...unless my child has just been born or I am praying on my way to the church to marry my "other lung". Those are about the only times I have been truly overwhelmed with enough raw emotion that I could not hold back the tears. Other times when I "happy cry" I have to coax it a little bit...because I'm dramatic that way. But I digress...

This Christmas season has truly been magical all thanks to my four year old little princess. We installed a new tradition this year that is our very own! The reason this is such a big deal to me is because my mom is the queen of traditions...so much so that she doesn't want to phase out the adults in the traditions. At the rate things are going I will be visiting my mom in the nursing home so me and my brother and our families can decorate the Christmas tree and make Christmas cookies. Needless to say, starting my own traditions has been something I have been looking forward to since I found out I was pregnant with Hailey. How did we come about this new tradition? Well, I'm glad you asked!

Hailey was growing increasingly jealous of all the Christmas parties Craig and I were going to. We were sitting at the dinner table and Hailey asked me when her Christmas party was. I looked at Craig because I didn't know how to say that she didn't have any Christmas parties when Hailey interjected with , "Hey! I have an idea!" This usually is followed by some childlike idea that is no where near feasible. But this time I was happily surprised when my daughter suggested that we have OUR OWN Christmas party!!! I immediately grasped what a great idea my four year old had come up with and ran with it. I asked her what she'd like to do at our party and thus the agenda was written:

Pot Roast for dinner (my idea)
Decorate Christmas Cookies
Open our presents to each other
Watch a Christmas movie

I can honestly say I was looking forward to our "party" just as much as Hailey and was so excited when Craig got home from work! After the eating, decorating and annihilation of presents were over and we were all sitting on the couch watching "How the Grinch Stole Christmas" (Hailey for the first time), I looked over at my husband, the boy I met when I was 13 and had a crush on ever since. He must have noticed my stare and looked back at me. I said, "Daddy, life is good..." And I truly meant it.

That's what this Christmas is all about for me. Starting and sharing family traditions, counting my blessings instead of sheep, and most of all making sure my kids understand to be thankful for Jesus instead of asking for more presents. I am one lucky lady and I must say...Life IS Good!

Twas the day before the day before Thanksgiving...

So Thanksgiving is only days away and I have yet to sit and think about what I'm thankful for...now's a good time to start!

For one, I'm thankful I don't have to get a tonsilectomy!!! I'm thankful I was loaned "The Shack" and have had the pleasure of reading it this week. I'm thankful for my small group and Francis Chan's book "Forgotten God".

I'm thankful that my brother and sister -in-law and my nephews have moved back home. It's such a blessing to see my children get to be close to family they haven't really seen much of over their short lifetime. I'm thankful for the vision God has given them and I'm very thankful for their obedience!

I'm thankful that my son's starting to talk more and I'm seeing improvement everyday! I'm thankful that he's my cuddle bug and runs arms open wide and tackles me with the biggest hug he can muster! I'm thankful my daughter is full of personality and adds sunshine to my day! Her songs and dances (wether made up or learned) always make me smile! I'm thankful that I get the chance to grow up again by sharing life with them. Everything is magical again and I'm loving it!!!

I'm thankful for a husband who could have only been made for me! He is everything I need and ever wanted; he is truly my "other lung" ;). Even with all our faults and trials we've faced...I still see us as "Craig and Kristen - the couple with the fairytale romance." He is a living, breathing example of how Christ loves the church!

Most of all, I am thankful for Jesus and everything He gave up to become a human and die for me. I am thankful that even though I don't deserve it and anyone else given my lack of gratitude and understanding would've given up and walked away - He still clung to that cross to reconcile me with His Father! The fact that He loves me more than I could ever love my children is beyond comprehension but wow, it feels good trying to wrap my head around it!

I have so much to be thankful for! Always know that I am thankful for you and for God placing you in my life. I pray He shows Himself in a new way to you this week and gives you even more understanding of how thankful you should be!

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

Missing Persons

Oh wow...I didn't realize it had been so long since my last blog! I'm in the middle of...well...procrastinating cleaning so when I get the time I will update. I PROMISE!!!

ReAnimanic Monday...

So it's been a little over a week that Megan has been staying with us. I must say...that girl is going to spoil me rotten!!! She's helping me with the kids and helping me with the house! I keep telling her we don't expect this much of her but she looks at us like we're crazy and says in her best country accent, "I don't mind!" She'll be starting school in a couple weeks and then we'll work on getting her a job and then getting her license!!! She's very excited to get her life started in the right direction and so are we!!!

This week is ReAnimate and we are BUSY BUSY BUSY!!! We have had so much help and support this year that it's NO WHERE NEAR as hectic as last year. I'm looking forward to all God is going to do this week!

The main thing I'm thinking about it...VACATION!!! I can't wait to get the heck outta Dodge and RELAX!!! I've never been on a vacation with Craig and I keep thinking it's too good to be true! I keep thinking something is going to come up and we won't get to go. August 19, I'm sure I'll get NO SLEEP! It will be like a kid at Christmas! :)