That's What Friends Are For...

I have had an issue that has been burning in me for a couple months now and everywhere I turn I see more and more dryer lint to fuel this growing fire. (Dryer lint is the best for starting and fueling a fire...just ask the Girl Scouts).

My issue has been fueled by social networks where people's comments can be easily accessed in overwhelming saturation. I'm not saying social networking is bad, in fact, it saved me a trip to my 10 year class reunion. I felt no need to reunite with my old school mates because I already knew where they work, who they married, how many kids they have and what those kids look like.

I do have to say that the more that I frequent these social networks, the more disdain I find in my heart for people who I never thought I could feel that way towards. I find that people who I initially thought I liked and connected with are not people I want to spend time with after all. It's somewhat disheartening to come to this conclusion because you begin rethinking your own social architecture and slowly start drawing up new blueprints.

This new discovery has put me in somewhat of a predicament concerning personal decision making. I would like to elaborate but I feel this isn't the best medium in dealing with personal issues. I can only vaguely speak my mind in hopes to mitigate the nuclear fallout that usually follows such posts.

What I can say is I am beginning to understand more of what Christ was saying when He said, "Let your yes be yes and your no be no." As He shines light on this issue in my life, it's illuminating grimy places in my own personality that I didn't even know needed cleaning. So, in going further in this search for better understanding, I am breaking out my spiritual Windex and cleaning up some places in my heart. I guess I can only pray that God will do the same thing in the hearts of people I have "socially" gotten to know a little too well.

I am consistently inconsistent...

I had to make a new SparkPeople account. I quit using my old one and I don't know how to start over on the old account (which I need to do alot). Of course my first reaction to the thought of making a new account was "just another reason I'm a big fart face" but after thinking about it for a couple of days I decided something that is legen...wait for it...dary! (How I Met Your Mother reference).

SO WHAT!!!!

So what if I have to keep  making new SparkPeople accounts! Maybe one of these days it will stick or maybe I'll end up with 500 accounts by the time I die. Then I found that the "so what" was starting to leak into other parts of my life...

So what if my house is messy...my kids are having fun (or I'm being lazy for a day)

So what if my son possibly has Sensory Processing Disorder and isn't as prolific in talking as some other boys his age. He is a force to be reckoned with - without having to talk! And he's extremely loving which warms my heart no matter how I'm feeling that day

The only thing I can't seem to be "so what" about is my weight. I am slowly incorporating things that will help in that department but I can't help hating myself when I give in and eat things that I know will put me over my caloric intake. Those are the moments I really call myself fart face.

Dear Kristen,
     You're going to mess up - period - so quit expecting yourself to be perfect! Just acknowledge it and then MOVE ON! You will never keep as clean of a house as your mom so stop trying and then beating yourself up when you don't. You will get frustrated with your kids on occasion and gate them in the tv room while you chill out on the computer so stop beating yourself up for thinking you're a bad mother. You will never eat ONLY fruits and vegetables and you will wig out and have a whole box of Devil's Food cookies so stop beating yourself up when you look in the mirror. Stop scrutinizing every detail about your body or your face or your hair...it puts you in a bad mood.

 I have a surprise for you YOU'RE NOT PERFECT AND YOU NEVER WILL BE!!! All this beating yourself up has kept you broken and stuck in the same sick cycle you've been living in for years. Please, please, please just STOP IT! I can't take being beat up anymore!

Your Black and Blue Self,
  ~ Kristen

The Spark

So, I have done the P90X thing and found it too "X"treme for me. I have gained back everything I lost and probably a little bit more. I don't want to look back 10 years from now and wish I was at this weight because I've continued to gain 5 pounds slowly every year. So, I am telling people about my goals and I need support and encouragement along the way.

I have found a website called http://www.sparkpeople.com/
It gave me a weight loss goal and time frame to do it in (30 lbs by 10/10/10)

My other "fast break" goals are:
Drink (8) 8oz of water a day
Stretch for 10 minutes a day
Give myself a 5 minute mental pep-talk every day

These were choices I made out of a number of choices given. I just chose what sounded the best for me.

My calorie intake needs to be 1280-1630 a day
I need to exercise 90 minutes a week
And burn 650 calories per week

I would LOVE for anyone looking to lose weight to join me so we can support each other and keep one another accountable and motivated! I DON'T WANT TO DO THIS BY MYSELF!!!

Check out the website and check out this article I just found. I really liked it and thought I'd share:
http://www.sparkpeople.com/resource/motivation_articles.asp?id=1325

So...WHO'S WITH ME???