Thoughts of a Stay at Home Mom who decided to go back to work

That's What Friends Are For...

2010-10-18T08:55:00.000-07:00

I have had an issue that has been burning in me for a couple months now and everywhere I turn I see more and more dryer lint to fuel this growing fire. (Dryer lint is the best for starting and fueling a fire...just ask the Girl Scouts).

My issue has been fueled by social networks where people's comments can be easily accessed in overwhelming saturation. I'm not saying social networking is bad, in fact, it saved me a trip to my 10 year class reunion. I felt no need to reunite with my old school mates because I already knew where they work, who they married, how many kids they have and what those kids look like.

I do have to say that the more that I frequent these social networks, the more disdain I find in my heart for people who I never thought I could feel that way towards. I find that people who I initially thought I liked and connected with are not people I want to spend time with after all. It's somewhat disheartening to come to this conclusion because you begin rethinking your own social architecture and slowly start drawing up new blueprints.

This new discovery has put me in somewhat of a predicament concerning personal decision making. I would like to elaborate but I feel this isn't the best medium in dealing with personal issues. I can only vaguely speak my mind in hopes to mitigate the nuclear fallout that usually follows such posts.

What I can say is I am beginning to understand more of what Christ was saying when He said, "Let your yes be yes and your no be no." As He shines light on this issue in my life, it's illuminating grimy places in my own personality that I didn't even know needed cleaning. So, in going further in this search for better understanding, I am breaking out my spiritual Windex and cleaning up some places in my heart. I guess I can only pray that God will do the same thing in the hearts of people I have "socially" gotten to know a little too well.

I am consistently inconsistent...

2010-04-28T06:52:00.000-07:00

I had to make a new SparkPeople account. I quit using my old one and I don't know how to start over on the old account (which I need to do alot). Of course my first reaction to the thought of making a new account was "just another reason I'm a big fart face" but after thinking about it for a couple of days I decided something that is legen...wait for it...dary! (How I Met Your Mother reference).

SO WHAT!!!!

So what if I have to keep making new SparkPeople accounts! Maybe one of these days it will stick or maybe I'll end up with 500 accounts by the time I die. Then I found that the "so what" was starting to leak into other parts of my life...

So what if my house is messy...my kids are having fun (or I'm being lazy for a day)

So what if my son possibly has Sensory Processing Disorder and isn't as prolific in talking as some other boys his age. He is a force to be reckoned with - without having to talk! And he's extremely loving which warms my heart no matter how I'm feeling that day

The only thing I can't seem to be "so what" about is my weight. I am slowly incorporating things that will help in that department but I can't help hating myself when I give in and eat things that I know will put me over my caloric intake. Those are the moments I really call myself fart face.

Dear Kristen,
You're going to mess up - period - so quit expecting yourself to be perfect! Just acknowledge it and then MOVE ON! You will never keep as clean of a house as your mom so stop trying and then beating yourself up when you don't. You will get frustrated with your kids on occasion and gate them in the tv room while you chill out on the computer so stop beating yourself up for thinking you're a bad mother. You will never eat ONLY fruits and vegetables and you will wig out and have a whole box of Devil's Food cookies so stop beating yourself up when you look in the mirror. Stop scrutinizing every detail about your body or your face or your hair...it puts you in a bad mood.

I have a surprise for you YOU'RE NOT PERFECT AND YOU NEVER WILL BE!!! All this beating yourself up has kept you broken and stuck in the same sick cycle you've been living in for years. Please, please, please just STOP IT! I can't take being beat up anymore!

Your Black and Blue Self,
~ Kristen

The Spark

2010-01-31T17:49:00.000-08:00

So, I have done the P90X thing and found it too "X"treme for me. I have gained back everything I lost and probably a little bit more. I don't want to look back 10 years from now and wish I was at this weight because I've continued to gain 5 pounds slowly every year. So, I am telling people about my goals and I need support and encouragement along the way.

I have found a website called http://www.sparkpeople.com/
It gave me a weight loss goal and time frame to do it in (30 lbs by 10/10/10)

My other "fast break" goals are:
Drink (8) 8oz of water a day
Stretch for 10 minutes a day
Give myself a 5 minute mental pep-talk every day

These were choices I made out of a number of choices given. I just chose what sounded the best for me.

My calorie intake needs to be 1280-1630 a day
I need to exercise 90 minutes a week
And burn 650 calories per week

I would LOVE for anyone looking to lose weight to join me so we can support each other and keep one another accountable and motivated! I DON'T WANT TO DO THIS BY MYSELF!!!

Check out the website and check out this article I just found. I really liked it and thought I'd share:
http://www.sparkpeople.com/resource/motivation_articles.asp?id=1325

So...WHO'S WITH ME???

And I fall asleep...counting my blessings

2009-12-24T06:22:00.000-08:00

I was working around the house minding my own business when Hailey says to me, "Mommy, I'm playing Thomas for bubbie!" Hailey learned today how to work the XBox controller. She started yelling, "Kai Kai, I put on Thomas for you!" Of course, Kai starts booking it for the tv room! He climbs up on the couch next to his sister and Hailey gives him a kiss on the cheek. She looks up to see me staring at them smiling. She smiles back and they start to watch the show together. I go back to the dishwasher with a warm heart and find myself getting misty-eyed. I cry very easily but I'm not a "happy" crier; not usually...unless my child has just been born or I am praying on my way to the church to marry my "other lung". Those are about the only times I have been truly overwhelmed with enough raw emotion that I could not hold back the tears. Other times when I "happy cry" I have to coax it a little bit...because I'm dramatic that way. But I digress...

This Christmas season has truly been magical all thanks to my four year old little princess. We installed a new tradition this year that is our very own! The reason this is such a big deal to me is because my mom is the queen of traditions...so much so that she doesn't want to phase out the adults in the traditions. At the rate things are going I will be visiting my mom in the nursing home so me and my brother and our families can decorate the Christmas tree and make Christmas cookies. Needless to say, starting my own traditions has been something I have been looking forward to since I found out I was pregnant with Hailey. How did we come about this new tradition? Well, I'm glad you asked!

Hailey was growing increasingly jealous of all the Christmas parties Craig and I were going to. We were sitting at the dinner table and Hailey asked me when her Christmas party was. I looked at Craig because I didn't know how to say that she didn't have any Christmas parties when Hailey interjected with , "Hey! I have an idea!" This usually is followed by some childlike idea that is no where near feasible. But this time I was happily surprised when my daughter suggested that we have OUR OWN Christmas party!!! I immediately grasped what a great idea my four year old had come up with and ran with it. I asked her what she'd like to do at our party and thus the agenda was written:

Pot Roast for dinner (my idea)
Decorate Christmas Cookies
Open our presents to each other
Watch a Christmas movie

I can honestly say I was looking forward to our "party" just as much as Hailey and was so excited when Craig got home from work! After the eating, decorating and annihilation of presents were over and we were all sitting on the couch watching "How the Grinch Stole Christmas" (Hailey for the first time), I looked over at my husband, the boy I met when I was 13 and had a crush on ever since. He must have noticed my stare and looked back at me. I said, "Daddy, life is good..." And I truly meant it.

That's what this Christmas is all about for me. Starting and sharing family traditions, counting my blessings instead of sheep, and most of all making sure my kids understand to be thankful for Jesus instead of asking for more presents. I am one lucky lady and I must say...Life IS Good!

Twas the day before the day before Thanksgiving...

2009-11-24T16:19:00.001-08:00

So Thanksgiving is only days away and I have yet to sit and think about what I'm thankful for...now's a good time to start!

For one, I'm thankful I don't have to get a tonsilectomy!!! I'm thankful I was loaned "The Shack" and have had the pleasure of reading it this week. I'm thankful for my small group and Francis Chan's book "Forgotten God".

I'm thankful that my brother and sister -in-law and my nephews have moved back home. It's such a blessing to see my children get to be close to family they haven't really seen much of over their short lifetime. I'm thankful for the vision God has given them and I'm very thankful for their obedience!

I'm thankful that my son's starting to talk more and I'm seeing improvement everyday! I'm thankful that he's my cuddle bug and runs arms open wide and tackles me with the biggest hug he can muster! I'm thankful my daughter is full of personality and adds sunshine to my day! Her songs and dances (wether made up or learned) always make me smile! I'm thankful that I get the chance to grow up again by sharing life with them. Everything is magical again and I'm loving it!!!

I'm thankful for a husband who could have only been made for me! He is everything I need and ever wanted; he is truly my "other lung" ;). Even with all our faults and trials we've faced...I still see us as "Craig and Kristen - the couple with the fairytale romance." He is a living, breathing example of how Christ loves the church!

Most of all, I am thankful for Jesus and everything He gave up to become a human and die for me. I am thankful that even though I don't deserve it and anyone else given my lack of gratitude and understanding would've given up and walked away - He still clung to that cross to reconcile me with His Father! The fact that He loves me more than I could ever love my children is beyond comprehension but wow, it feels good trying to wrap my head around it!

I have so much to be thankful for! Always know that I am thankful for you and for God placing you in my life. I pray He shows Himself in a new way to you this week and gives you even more understanding of how thankful you should be!

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

Missing Persons

2009-10-26T13:29:00.000-07:00

Oh wow...I didn't realize it had been so long since my last blog! I'm in the middle of...well...procrastinating cleaning so when I get the time I will update. I PROMISE!!!

ReAnimanic Monday...

2009-08-03T17:53:00.000-07:00

So it's been a little over a week that Megan has been staying with us. I must say...that girl is going to spoil me rotten!!! She's helping me with the kids and helping me with the house! I keep telling her we don't expect this much of her but she looks at us like we're crazy and says in her best country accent, "I don't mind!" She'll be starting school in a couple weeks and then we'll work on getting her a job and then getting her license!!! She's very excited to get her life started in the right direction and so are we!!!

This week is ReAnimate and we are BUSY BUSY BUSY!!! We have had so much help and support this year that it's NO WHERE NEAR as hectic as last year. I'm looking forward to all God is going to do this week!

The main thing I'm thinking about it...VACATION!!! I can't wait to get the heck outta Dodge and RELAX!!! I've never been on a vacation with Craig and I keep thinking it's too good to be true! I keep thinking something is going to come up and we won't get to go. August 19, I'm sure I'll get NO SLEEP! It will be like a kid at Christmas! :)

Brain is Revolting

2009-07-22T06:34:00.000-07:00

Just realized my birthday is a week from today! I was thinking it was further away than that! Totally weirded me out...

Need an energy boost for today...and for the next couple of weeks. AHHHHHH!!!!

That's all I have the brain power for today. Seacrest Out!

Pansy Blog!

2009-07-08T06:00:00.000-07:00

Apparently my blog called my sister-in-law and said that it missed me. My blog is a real pansy! Just call me up and talk to ME! Don't go talking to someone else and have them tell me for you! Geez!

To pacify my blog...here is a new post:

I recently realized that I needed to work on my attitude toward church. Long story short I was acting as though it was all about me and what I liked and wanted. I pretty much thought mine and Craig's opinion would fix whatever was wrong...because we are always right. It was like all of a sudden I became aware of how ugly I was being. I have been in conversation with God on how to fix it. I think we're making good progress.

On another note; Kai got tubes in his ears and has started speech therapy. We've only had one "session" but the next one is this Friday (and I'm excited). I can already tell a difference in his speech since the tubes. I have went from thinking I would never have a conversation with my son to seeing that it might just be a possiblity after all.

The thing that is constantly in the back of my mind is...MATT AND STACY ARE MOVING BACK TO LOUISVILLE!!! I was happy to just have them move closer but to have them here in town is so awesome!!! I hated that all my family was here and Craig's family was scattered around. I know Craig wished it was different but he was cool with it. My kids were spending so much time with my family and I wanted so badly for them to know Craig's family just as well.

I am praying and believing that this church will flourish and make a richter scale registering spiritual shake on this community. I have always loved my brother-in-law's preaching and my sister-in-law's mentoring abilities. They make a great team and are bound for awesome things to further the Kingdom.

Our youth went on a trip to Forward Conference in Atlanta, Georgia. I was very cynical and assumed they kids would like it but wouldn't really take anything from it. Well God showed me how silly I was for being so cynical. I saw these kids change in a matter of 3 days. Right after Forward they went the next day to Youth Camp. I had always heard bad things about camp (I never went to one growing up). I heard how lame and backward it was. I didn't expect anything to come out of that either. Again, God showed me how silly I was. There was a guy who did a session on Reaching the Unchurched. From what I've heard this guy was the real deal (aka Relevant). The teens really gleaned alot of knowledge and understanding from this session. I would like to give this man a BIG hug!

I am learning to break off my cynicism (one piece at a time) and am now expecting mind-blowing things from our youth. Am I still a little cynical? Honestly, yes and I'm working on that. I can't wait to see how silly God will make me feel here in the near future.

I gotta go, my kids are...well...being kids

In a funky mood I guess...

2009-04-30T07:40:00.000-07:00

I want to get away...I wanna fly away....yeah, yeah yeah. Craig and I have never really taken a vacation together. We went to Nashville for our honeymoon because we only had three days before we moved all my stuff to Illinois. I have to say I was totally jealous when my friends started getting married and were going to Cancun and Jamaica for a week. To rectify the situation my in-laws are being total saints and watching our kids for us so we can go away on an actual VACATION!!! We are going on a cruise!!! You seriously have no idea how big of a deal this is! I am sooooo stoked!!!

That being said; this couldn't have come at a better time. I am coming close to hitting my proverbial wall as far as energy goes. I have so many things on my plate right now and so I'm forgetting other things and it makes me feel horrible. I was late wishing my nephew a Happy Birthday, I forgot to take Rianna home after Arsenal on Sunday and the list goes on and on. I don't like being forgetful...I SERIOUSLY DON'T LIKE IT!!! Between raising two young children, keeping my house in order, spending time with my husband, youth and everything that goes along with it, Mary Kay, family and friend duties and big church responsibilities...I can't keep it all together! I'm running on empty and I NEED A VACATION!!!

You know what I want? I want a day to just stay in bed ALL DAY!!! That would be freaking amazing! I would also like a massage but that's not as important as a day in bed. I just need something to take the edge off of life right now. It's not bad, I'm not depressed and life is good...I'M JUST TIRED!!!

Only 3 months till the cruise...

What a week!!!

2009-04-03T08:15:00.000-07:00

So this week has been um...well...not so good in the weight loss department. I craved sweets like a mad man and totally gave in everytime. I am back on the wagon today and so far so good. I'm starting to love Coke Zero again - which is a HUGE deal! Now it's time to get back on the exercise wagon again. I will say, I really do miss Jazzercise. When my kids are in school during the day I am soooo totally starting back. For now TurboJam will have to hold me over until then.

I'm also not as gung ho about Mary Kay anymore. After being involved with their products for a couple months now I really don't see much difference between their products and getting stuff at Wal-Mart. I know there are people who would gasp if they heard me say this but I feel it's the truth. It's hard to really sell someone something that you don't wholeheartedly believe in. At least that's the way it is with me. I will say that the makeup at Sephora is alot higher quality than Mary Kay in my humble opinion. Mary Kay foundation is the real deal though. I'm very pleased with it. I'm not a big fan of their eyeshadows or think their mascera is all that. Their skin care system broke my face out for a long time so I quit using it. That's what started my downfall in the Mary Kay business.

Anyway, Craig is repainting the playroom. We are changing it from the dark maroon it was when we bought the house to a cheery sunshine yellow. Hopefully it will change the mood of the room. We are also painting a wall in our "den" red along with the dining area. I'm excited to start putting our own touches to this house. It makes it feel more like ours than someone else's. Craig's parents are going to help us put the bathroom in the den back in working order. I'm really excited about that!

I can't think of anything else to write about so I'll sign off...

Ch Ch Changes!

2009-03-26T08:30:00.001-07:00

So it's official...I'm too much of a wimp for P90X. But don't go telling me "I told you so" because I am starting another program that is also from beachbody called "Turbo Jam"! It's less testerone and more estrogen. Poor Craig was stuck doing cardio with me all the time with P90X because I didn't want to bulk up. Now he can focus on getting all muscular while I can focus on slimming down.

Today I have eaten two cinnamon nutri-grain waffles, one protein bar and drank 48 ounces of water. Oh yeah and I ate one vanilla wafer that my son gave me. After I work out I will eat lunch and drink some more water!!! So far today...doing good!

In other news, I am going to be an extra in a local period piece film. I drive to Lexington this Saturday and will be in two scenes. I'm excited! I know it's not much to write home about but I'm curious to see how the filming process works and all that.

Guess that's all for now! I'll write later!

~ Kristen

Back on the Wagon

2009-01-22T06:18:00.000-08:00

So this past weekend...I was bad...very bad. I drank coke and ate brownies. What can I say; I'm very weak. Once Monday rolled around, though, I was back on the wagon and eating healthy again. It's amazing how much better I feel when I eat healthy. It's also interesting how coke and sweets don't taste as good as I think they will. It's like I imagine sheer joy if I could only have a coke or a brownie but then I give in and it's not really all that awesome...plus I feel crappy afterwards. Not crappy as in guilty, like I literally FEEL crappy. All that being said, I messed up last weekend and I'm sure I'll mess up again but I'll keep getting back on the wagon...

Week Two

2009-01-16T06:09:00.000-08:00

We are almost done with week two of P90X. I AM SO SORE!!! I will say that I have already lost about 7 pounds!!! Craig, of course, has lost more than that...but that's the difference between dudes and chicks. I am actually enjoying eating healthier; I can tell a difference in the way I feel. I'm not going to lie and say that I don't have fits for chocolate like a crack addict in rehab but I get through them.

One of the greatest byproducts of doing this is seeing Hailey want to get involved with our exercising. She gets out mine or Craig's mat and asks us to turn a video on. She does it for a good ten minutes and she's ready to move on. The idea of being a parent and leaving a legacy with my children has motivated me more than weight loss. I want eating right and exercise to be a normal part of daily life in our household. I want to raise healthy kids who become healthy adults. I want it to feel odd to them to be couch potatoes because that's just not how they were raised. This is all within reason, mind you...we don't want to be total health and exercise "freaks" to the point of absurdity. We just want to create a healthy lifestyle for our family.

The other awesome byproduct is my time sharing something with Craig. We make jokes during the exercises and make fun of the similarities between the instructor and someone we know. We enjoy the time spent together; working toward a goal together. It makes sharing the success that much more rewarding.

It's only week two and it feels like month two...I can't wait to see the results when we actually get to month two!!!

P90X - I'm ready to "BRING IT" and be "X-CELLENT"

2009-01-04T18:59:00.000-08:00

So Craig and I are starting P90X TOMORROW!!! I have been to the grocery and bought all of our P90X friendly foods. We went to Target and got our mats and resistance bands. We even took our "before" photos. It was hilarious how uncomfortable Craig was posing for the camera in nothing but workout shorts. This is going to be something we can do together each night and be each other's support as far as watching what we're eating and whatnot. What's the worst that could happen? We lose a few pounds? I'm really looking forward to it!

It's Beginning to Look Alot Like Christmas...

2008-11-28T20:37:00.001-08:00

As I am sitting here on my couch drinking apple cider and watching the lights blink on the newly put up tree I am a little sad. I just don't feel the excitement that I usually do. Last year we were in the middle of moving and that was enough excitement in itself. By the way, I LOVE MY HOUSE! It's crazy to think about the fact that in our old house we couldn't even put up a Christmas tree because we didn't have enough room. Now I have TWO...yes...TWO places I could put a tree!!! Anyway, back to what I was saying. It just doesn't feel like Christmas; the time has gone by waaaaay too fast! It should only be the beginning of Fall...or at least it feels like it. I actually did wrap some presents but that didn't help my "bah humbug" at all! I will say, having a 3 1/2 year old (going on 15) is making Christmas more fun this year! It's great to start our own family traditions and begin to make memories that my children will look back on and smile.

It's so funny but a song I heard a couple of years ago that almost made me cry (I said almost) is "Where Are You Christmas" by Faith Hill. I was totally feeling like I am today and just so bummed that the excitement wasn't there; that song came on and I was like "I totally know how you feel, Faith!!!" Anyway, enough embarrassing stuff about me...oh wait...this is MY blog!

I bought a DVD of a fireplace that plays piano Christmas music in the background. I swear, even on the tv, a fire is mezmerizing. I have put lighted garland everywhere possible and still...nothing. Maybe it will hit me in a couple of days and I'll be getting on here talking about how crazy I am about Christmas.

I actually went out and fought the crowds today. This is something I NEVER do! I pretty much cleaned up at Bath and Body Works. "Oh wow, Kristen, did you get most of your Christmas shopping done?" NO...EVERYTHING I BOUGHT WAS FOR ME!!! HA HA HA HA!!! Oh wait, I did buy (spoiler alert) my Mamaw a housecoat. Hope my Mamaw doesn't see this blog before Christmas...oh wait...she doesn't have a computer! :) I already gave Craig his gift (I can never wait till Christmas) and got my nephew, Caleb, his birthday AND Christmas gift (not combined, I've been told people with December birthdays HATE that). I have bought presents for my Mother, Mother-in-law, Sister-in-law, Grandma Stevenson, Father-in-Law (if Craig will let me give him what I bought) and that's about it. I have ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA what to get my brother-in-law...I think we did AWESOME last year but as for this year...no idea! My other nephew is another one I'm having trouble with. Do I get something kiddie or something more teenagery (I made up that word). That leaves my brother, dad, Nana, Papaw, 2 cousins on dad's side and I think that about covers it. I do have to figure out who to give the "turtle holding a silver ball" to this year (Long Story).

All in all I hope I am pleasantly surprised at how this Christmas turns out. I mean, I am medicated and all so that can't hurt! (depression joke, gets 'em every time). I also hope seeing my daughter's face Christmas morning will remind me how magical it all still really is...

First Blog!!!

2008-11-19T05:51:00.001-08:00

I got jealous of my husband and brother-in-law having their own blog pages...so I made my own!!! Anyone who finds this probably already knows me so I'll skip the introductions. I just got my husband's Christmas present a week ago (less than that actually) and I finally found an excuse to go ahead and give it to him. He said his old iPod's headphones were messed up and he can't use my new earphones because they don't stay in his ear. We haven't decided if he's going to take my iPod Touch and I'll take the new Nano or what. I'll let him use both of them for a while and decide which one he wants...I couldn't care either way. I am soooo looking forward to Christmas! There is just something warm and comforting about the Holiday's. It always puts me in a good mood! In fact, I'm going Christmas shopping with my mamaw today. She needs ideas for my kids and I like to shop so...it's perfect! That's all I have time for right now...the kids are restless and I need to take a shower!